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pumpkinthehead

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[09 Sep 2010|10:31pm]
I think wisdom would be the ability to discern the choices that will give you the most out of life. I'm not sure if wisdom is also knowing what you want to get out of life. If that's even relevant.
I often find it trivial to make words out of the deeper concepts in life, but I find sometimes I'm really good at it, and if you're very lucky someone may actually get something that you formulate the words to relate.

I'm very glad about where I am in life right now. Perhaps I'm spending more time putting effort into life to collect later the benefits that I hope to take out of it.

People who want to know the meaning of life mean it's purpose, and that's about as applicable as asking what number the universe is.

Words are too infrequently trumped by the concepts that they are intended to relate. Words never succeed in capturing the reality of a situation. There's always some effort required on the part of the recipient. Too often the unspoken disclaimer regarding the inherent invalidity of a description is disregarded. It's all too easy to forget. It's all to easy to forget about the supposed reality these words weave references of.

I've never been good at making my words succinct or concrete. Absolutes seem impossibilities. Everything is an abstraction. Knowledge and definition is a limit of accuracy that's assumed for our own expediency. An expediency that is all too often forgotten for the convenience of the moment. Our opinions and beliefs for which we abuse others for conflicting are pathetic in their irrelevance.
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[15 Jul 2009|10:35am]
I had my wisdom teeth taken out yesterday. In pain.

Been working for VivaNet 2.0 again. I've done a couple of projects, learning a lot.

I've been approved for graduation, but I had to drop my fine arts credit before the class started. I've now been approved for graduation after Spring Semester 2010 after which I will have some post grad classes and then I'll be going to Weber State for my bachelor's degree which I can take all my courses for at the Redwood Campus.

I've been working out at least 3 times a week at the SLCC gym, I'm up to 140 pounds for the first time since high school, although I'm sure I'll lose weight because of my oral surgery.

Stormy's baby shower is this Saturday, the 18th. I'm stoked.
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[27 Feb 2009|02:53am]
I've been doing well in class. I had a meeting last Tuesday with the division chair of the CIS department at SLCC about the instructor who gave me the unfair grade and refuses to respond to me. She emailed him that he should call me to explain his reasons for the grad, and when he doesn't I'll be back in her office on next Tuesday to deal with it another way. Stormy's pregnancy is going well. Crystal had a miscarriage and it affected Stormy a great deal. She is such a compassionate person. She burst into tears after she got off the phone, telling Crystal that she was always there for her, saying that she can't imagine what Crystal has to be going through, poor Crystal, and such. It's very sad, but I'm not sure it's a bad thing for Crystal right now and she seems to know that. She'll be in town on the 19th and her and Stormy will be going out. It will be on a Thursday so I will be going as well.
I still trade letters with Mike, he's doing well. Amy hasn't been doing too well I hear, which makes us sad. We've tried to reach her a few times over the last few months to no avail. We got our tax return and paid off a bunch of debt. I have to go to the bank today to get out some cash and talk about refinancing my car.

I have to think of something to run this Friday for Rifts. I was hoping to cancel for good when I skipped last weekend, because I do not have this sort of time, but I wanted to play so I said that I would GM on that day.

Richard's number has changed. He told me that he would be getting rid of it. Allen said he'd be coming to town this weekend and I would love to drag him to the bar with us.

Anjuli is leaving next week, it has been wonderful to get to know her better, she's going to be missed.
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[08 Feb 2009|10:01pm]
Tim went back to Georgia on Friday. We hung out on Thursday and had a beer. After Stormy went to bed we hiked up to Ensign Peak and looked out over the city lights.

Anjuli just got back into town from California where she was visiting her sick aunt. She stopped by the coffee shop to see Stormy right after I left, having spent the rest of the day before that there doing homework.

David took Morgan today for a few hours. I didn't think that he would come at all. He postponed to Saturday morning, then Saturday night, then Sunday morning, and finally got her Sunday afternoon. We've told him, and actually followed through with it a few times, that if he doesn't give us more than a days notice for a change by Friday then it may not be his weekend anymore, but Stormy felt that since we didn't have any plans Dave could just take her any time. I thought we should have told him too bad after the third cancellation, but we don't need to create hostilities.

I watched Arianne and Xavay for a few hours so that Byron and Angela could go on a date for their anniversary. Afterwords they hung out at our place until I had to leave for work and we shared some movies and music.

Yesterday was the first day that I took sick leave for in a while. Austin and I left early because we haven't had our truck to pull the carpet cleaning equipment and therefore can't really do anything. It has sucked pretty bad.
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[31 Jan 2009|07:34pm]
I don't have the internet at my new house yet, so it's been a while since I've updated. I moved into a trailer in West Valley. I'm going to school nearly full time, I was moved on to carpet crew at Redwood, Stormy is getting a lot of hours at the cofee shop and still working at SLCC's Sandy campus. I'm getting along great with Austin, although it's not like we are going to become good buddies or anything.

I've been dealing with my CIS 2010 instructor from last semester because for some reason I can't deduce and he won't tell me he gave me a D in a class for which I turned in all of the assignments, only one being late, and set the grading scale for the final by having the highest grade in the class. How the fuck does someone give you a D in that situation? I've been emailing him and am feeling like he's blowing me off and won't just flat out tell me why that happened. He said he's still working on my grade, but I'm having doubts. Anyways, my classes this semester are doing great, and every other class I've taken in the last three semesters is an A, so I'm feeling pretty good.

Stormy is pregnant! That's the biggest news. We're so damn stoked excited. We found out on Saturday the 24th of January, 2009. We're not sure when she conceived, we were doing a lot of baby making since she got off of her birth control at the beginning of January, so sometime then.

Oh yeah, Richard had to give up a cat because it was fucking with his lizard so we now own a kitty. Stormy is super happy that she finally got me to cave on the no pets issue. We named her Izzy, she looks freakily like Shannon's cat Rusty only is a female, and she's been working out really well. Very sweet, well behaved, affectionate cat that is already spayed and inoculated. We just need to get her declawed before she destroys my bean bags.
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Irony and change. [19 Dec 2008|04:39am]
[ mood | blah ]

So they're moving me at work. I'm going to be on the carpet crew with Austin, Alisha's ex-boyfriend, effective January 5th. Daron, a good guy from Jordan, will be taking my place. I'm not sure what Stormy will think. I wanted a position at Redwood (although we will be driving around the whole valley, in actuality) the whole time that I lived on 2200 W, but as soon as we move, they're going to put me there... with Austin. I'm excited. It should be a real trip.
This Saturday is a silly white rhino party with Stormy's siblings during a time that she works. I have to take Morgan for at least a little while. I've had plans on that day for a while and am hoping that I can convince Stormy's family to just watch Morgan if I drop her off and some presents. I've been meaning to run this Rifts game for a long time now and have been preparing for a good deal of my spare time.
Richard's in town and Tim's leaving town, although he will be back after Christmas. Which is a great deal being that Allen will be in SLC for a few weeks after Christmas and it will give us our first opportunity to hang out since my wedding, which wasn't much of an opportunity to chill, really.
Stormy is loving her job at Beans & Brews. She gets free coffee. I love her.
Later today we get to take a look at our house and see if it's all fit together nicely and such before the final installation is under way.
The times are good, considering.

So Bush destroyed our economy. I don't know how many times I've been telling people he has been destroying our economy. I don't know how many times I said that they would let the economy crash close to the end of his last term. I bet there are people who are sad to see him go. People that are sad that McCain with Phil Grahm, the nemesis to the American economy, at his side didn't get into office. I've said everything before, recited the statistics and policies, the figures and legislations, but no one cares.
I just hope some people remember what Bush did, and how much McCain did to support it, and how much Ted Kennedy, Al Gore, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Dennis Kucinich, and Howard Dean have strived to protect us amidst so much failure among the Democrats to do so. You can't trust a Democrat, but you can sure as hell trust a Republican. Even that Paul fucker wanted to do away with public services and education. Yeah, that was some revolution. Besides that, it doesn't matter if they don't know anything about economic history, we have a power for the betterment of our country coming into phase. We're all still more than a little scared what the, in many ways worst, president of our country will do to us before he loses power.
There's nothing worth saying about the horrible things he has done. They number in the thousands and I can recite hundreds, but the only people that care have realized a political stance must be made to protect our country from the neo-conservative agenda. He and his administration have committed more crimes that the Constitution mandates impeachment for than can be counted on a person's fingers. No, I do not care what News-Corp has to say on the subject or any of those other idiots. I've seen the best arguments and defenses anyone could muster, and they're pathetic. None of those people ever had one thing to say in response to any of the facts I faced them with that shattered their ridiculous notions. The only response I've ever gotten to my supplying evidence correcting the ridiculous stream of propoganda to come from the Murdoch machine and it's ilk is a blank stare off into space and a total cessation of conversation. It's a reaction that is very frighteningly suggestive of the idea that these people have been brainwashed.
What can you do?
No one cares.

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Cut backs at work, and a must-see show today. [26 Nov 2008|12:21am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Stormy's hours just got cut today. She very badly needs to get another job. It's a good thing in a way because now it will be much more reasonable for her to work two jobs.
We finally heard back from the trailer park we applied at and they gave us a list of open lots we could choose from. Stormy, since she now has the rest of the week off, is going to look at them today. We looked last night, but it was too dark and Stormy was frustrated about work. They told us we have a month to get the trailer placed on the lot until we have to reapply. They never told us when the month starts. Stormy needs to ask them that when she calls them to tell them what lot we're going to reserve.
OhGr should be coming to town today. He has a new CD (yay). I'd love to go to the show, but all things considered with our incredibly tight budget it seems that it won't happen. I actually have two holidays this week though... I could probably just take it as one of my holiday days this week. I don't know, I want to go, but ah fuck it I should go. I'm going. I'll just use today as my holiday so that it doesn't go to sick leave and get taken out of my overtime. Shit... I know I can just, like, get away with it, but I should at least confirm it with my supervisor first. If I can get my Thanksgiving holiday taken early or count as half of tonight and then I could do a half day on Sunday then I'll just plain and simple absolutely have to fork out the measily $18 to see ohGr.
I would also like to take the time to mention that Fallout 3 is a fucking awesome game.

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Everyone's sick but me, life update, and some more drama. [25 Nov 2008|02:23am]
[ mood | happy ]

Stormy's feeling really sick. We'll have to get her to the instacare or a doctor if she is still feeling excruciating pain in her stomach tomorrow.
Morgan just went to the doctor's for strep and perhaps a UTI. We haven't hear back about the UTI yet, but the antibiotics for her strep will take care of it anyways and she no longer seems to have symptoms of one. She was also having really bad diarhea for weeks, and we had taken her to the doctor's for that earlier. They just recommended that we give her some yogurt three times a day. She seems to be over that as well. Lastly, she has really bad warts on her right palm, and we've gotten some wart remover for that and they're nearly gone. Stormy's mother started telling everyone in her family that she is a bad mother because we had put duct tape on her palm for her warts. Stormy's mother, who has not seen the warts, was yelling at Stormy over the phone because they aren't warts, they are hand foot and mouth disease. Stormy asked how she knows, what are the symptoms of it, and Stormy's mother shouted back, "I don't fucking know!" So she is 200 miles away, has not seen the warts, doesn't know what hand foot and mouth disease is, but shouted at her for an hour on the phone and called up her sisters to tell them that she is a terrible mother and that her pediatrician is a moron for possibly thinking these things Debbie has not seen could be warts. The doctor, my father, and the medical advice we looked up on the internet for warts all suggested that duct tape was a cheap way to get rid of them, but it just couldn't stay on and got them too moist.
Anyways, we've been saving up money really well. Damn I'd love to see oHgr this Wednesday, but I really don't want to spend the money since we've been doing so well. We just filled out another loan application to see if we could get a better interest rate. We may hear back before the holiday. The lot we were expecting to get in can't be gotten a hold of and won't call me back regarding our application. I didn't expect it would have any problems, but I'd really like to hear some sort of confirmation from them. I've gotten some overtime this pay period, and that's also going to help us a lot. Still no word about Stormy's second job.
Allen has a lot more work and money. I just finished up a work order for an error with bartmurphy.com and have been trying to get civilizzation.com wrapped up. Mostly all we are waiting for is feedback on some things from them. We don't mind taking the time, but some people in their company are seeming to get impatient as we are waiting for some collaberation from their database technician. Creating a website is never done well if it isn't a two part effort between the customer and the developers. Use cases need to be approved, domain expertise has to be provided, and obviously thorough software specifications must be given.
This semester is almost over. Next semester I will be taking more classes. I should have my 2 year degree by the end of fall semester next year.

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[21 Nov 2008|02:57am]
We're buying a trailor home. We'll be moving out before the end of the year.
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[29 Sep 2008|03:14am]
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2008/9/28/203016/697/536/613742

The video in question in this article makes some concessions as to the innocense of most Muslims and even their pacifism, peacefulness, and morality. Watch the whole thing and talk to people who are in line with this sort of thinking. It's just plain hateful bullshit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMLJJEDDDGc

I'm just a little sensitive and disturbed from a conversation I had a few weeks ago with a member of the military that was mortified with offense that I did not believe our country opposes, condemns, and is at war with Muslims and Islam. Since this conversation, I bring up this subject and how it disturbed me, only to find that so many others have been inflicted with this same sickness of the mind and think we need to show violence to these people. In what way does this violence with extreme prejudism fight religious terrorism?

I've never wholely made this conviction of opinion before, I find it overused and annoying, but it is absolutely anti-american to consider our entire nation itself at war with a religion. I feel it as necessary to be intolerant to dogmas of prejudism and hatred as it is necessary to execute mass murderers. People who adopt these sorts of beliefs need to roll over and get dead, fast. Patriotism and immorality are mutually exclusive. If something is immoral and called 'patrioitc' or 'nationalism', it is not justified, but wrong more so for calling itself those things.
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[25 Sep 2008|12:37am]
http://features.csmonitor.com/politics/2008/09/24/did-john-mccain-throw-the-ultimate-hail-mary/

http://www.latimes.com/news/politics/la-na-debate25-2008sep25,0,6565120.story

The most stupid thing you can do in politics: infuriate and terrify the media. Look at Dean, he was kicking ass, then he openly stated he thought media conglomerates should be illegalized again (thank you Reagan, for your efforts to seed bomb the press). Just a few days after that speech, he's an angry radical now, madman, screams at babies during rallies, god knows what. Approval ratings plumated when just the last week the media loved him and was all but pulling him on a riskha to the Democratic candidacy. Now McCain shits in their faces, but what do I know. I thought it was suicide when he gave that speech about how terrible the GI Bill was and how he was going to try to see that veterans didn't receive educational benefits, and I thought it was suicide when he told the country that the recession, mortgage crisis, low rate of people living within living standard, and the deficit was just a reactionary delusion of conspiracy theorists because HE was doing juuuust fine, so it must be lies. Yet even after those things it was all "Obama's father was once a Muslim, Muslim's are terrorists, he's evil," "He wears an american flag pin, McCain doesn't, uhhhh, so that's unamerican, cuz Hannity says so, I don't know why." Maybe just living in Utah makes me bitter and cynical, maybe somewhere in our country people actually care that McCain says this shit or what he actually votes for or that Bush's presidency was a massive failure and McCain has voted along side over 95% of the bills Bush proponed.
I guess he doesn't want to draw more attention to the fact that he's fighting against veteran's benefits, social services, increasing lower class tax returns, and medical coverage for our underprivilaged while fighting to subsidize Exxon during their highest period of profits ever, giving billions in tax cuts to the top of the tax bracket, and giving what would come out to an average of $2,000 in taxes per household so that all of these big market investors who have been taking advantage of the system don't have to take a pay cut. Ahhh, rant rant rant, I don't know where to start. Figures of our annual GDP, congressional budget office tax rates for the bottom quintiles, or national deficit don't seem to mean anything to Republican voters despite their at least century long history of averaging far lower during years of a Republican controlled executive than a Democratic.
I dunno, I find it interesting, I know shit like this doesn't mean anything to anyone I ever talk to. The economy isn't something people seem really interested in, that's why I find this so interesting, people are actually starting to think "hey, maybe all these subsidizies, investor tax breaks, and spending multiples of the last presidency's budget while taking in half the taxes isn't wonderful for the average working Joe," and that just shocks me because I have such a low opinion of the proletariate. They want flashy rhetoric and scandal.
I'm just wondering how many lives McCain can pull out of his hat. I guess you don't get to be 175 years old in Congress without having a bunch of tricks up your sleeve, or at least a bullet proof vest. The thing is, it isn't Obama shooting him, McCain just keeps shooting himself.
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[11 Sep 2008|03:35pm]
I've been meditating at work since I've been in my hermitage out at Sandy. Seems I can never find time to at home. Somehow I feel perhaps I'll function differently if I did. Anyways, it's been nice to find some sort of spiritual tanden again.
My stupid fucking MP3 player broke a while back, so I need something to keep sane at work. Now with fall around I hardly have time to dick off like I did in the summer, but actually having something ot do at work makes up for that. I bought a new mp3 player, cheap piece of shit, doesn't do shit. I ordered a new hard drive for my old one so that I can stave off boredom.
Anyways, school's going well, GPA is off probation now, I actually feel dedicated, went through serious life changes. Also, getting married in one month, then a weekend in Vegas, and then back to the grind. I feel I'm a good father for Morgan, David isn't being hostile to our faces anymore and he doesn't seem like he wants to bullshit me anymore, although he still does to Stormy. People are retarded fucking gossipers and are no good, and I feel embarrassed about my idiocy since it took me so long to learn this. Anyways, life's good, we are getting compensated for child care now, fuck yes, that means we can move out after the wedding, fuck yes. I can't tell you to what extent I can't wait.
Tim's been back in town. It's kicked too much ass. Nothing should be so ass kicking, it's just not right. I've missed the fuck outta that crazy hippie and I really needed some more people to chill with. Him and Anjuli totally hit it off, which I think is awesome, they've actually been together for a while now and are so cute I want to squeal and squeeze them like teddy bears.
It's been totally awesome to hang out with Anjuli so much more often, too. Makes me so happy for Stormy, she needs friends. Her old friend Celcey just emailed her out of the blue after a long ass time, and that made her happy. We chat and run into peeps at the club and such and that's really cool. I find it fucking weird David goes every single weekend and gets drunk, yet is so strongly opposed to paying support for his daughter. Well not weird, just Dave. If you don't know Dave, you don't know how that's an adjective, but it is. It's just Dave, that's all.
Anyways, I don't post much anymore. Not publicly anyways. I don't feel like sharing things with people anymore, but meh, I felt I should post something now. I don't like hiding what I'm thinking, I think it sucks, and I don't really have many people with whom deep conversation happens easily or often.
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[19 Aug 2008|10:17pm]
We're just finishing up wedding invitations, I'm mailing them out tonight after work here along with a letter to Mike. We just put a deposit on an officiant today, too. We're pretty set. I'm stoked. I don't really feel any fear, anxiety, or reproach about it. I konw regardless of any piece of paper Stormy is who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I knew the second I first kissed her. Before that even, that's why I did kiss her.
Classes start tomorrow, w00t. I'm finally getting something done at school. Finally settled on a major and gotten my GPA back up so I'm off probation. It's probably going to be a couple more years. Two more years at this place... Stress free job, but nothing I'm passionate to be doing.
I'm sort of out of my transitional stage most people seem to go through after high school. Some people go on through it straight until their 30's, but I've found my answers and I'm settling on them.
Just requested Sept. 3rd off to hang out with Stormy and Anjulie. Tim should be in town on that day, so we should have a blast. We need to find a babysitter for Morgan, though.
Dave's doing his thing here and there. I think he was in jail again, or he's probably going to be soon. Crystal's getting married this weekend and David is taking Morgan to the wedding. We need to get shit settled.
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Balls [17 Jun 2008|12:35am]
David saw Morgan for the first time in two months. Showed up late, dropped her off late, lied to us, refused to communicate with us. We stopped being meek, I swore at them and yelled and called over and over until they would talk to us to explain what the hell was going on. More lies, Stormy calls them on them, and this bizzarre thing happened: David told us what was actually going on without much lying at all. Well, not much lying in comparison to his standard. It's fantastic. If we're polite he'll try to walk all over us, but as soon as we offer up any resistance he backs down and quite literally hides behind his Mom's skirt like he does when anything(everything) in his life doesn't work out. His head, contrary to popular belief as to his Honesty Induced Cranial-Implosion Syndrome, did not in fact crush itself with the strain of not lying. Although he really sounded like it was going to when he was telling us the truth. Well, part truth. Maybe if he wouldn't have had a few white lies retained in the story it in fact would have.

A developer at VivaNet no call no showed straight through the deadline of two projects. Needless to say he's not with us anymore and now I have to find out where he dropped these balls and pick them back up.

Morgan is back in daycare finally. We can finally afford it again. She was supposed to start yesterday, but well... fuck David. They actually confessed that he wasn't cancelling visits with Morgan to see foreign investors (shocking, I know!) and that he did not, in fact, have a location yet. And now that we have a case opened with the Office of Recovery Services he's no longer lying about the work he's doing and has confessed he's only had one job, for one week since the break up.

David is too much work to vent about, so I'm done. You could relate all these hilarious storied about bizarre lies he tries to get others to believe in an attempt to save these anecdotal gems, but why bother? Because the next time you talk to him he'll have an entirely novel slur of bullshit that will be impossible to resist laughing about.
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[01 Jun 2008|03:09am]
I packed up a measly pile of papers today. Various scratches and scribbles, small drawing, statistics, and vague references to concepts beyond themselves that could not be related in a thousand pages. It was its own world carefully crafted in by six very close people in unison over the course of two years. It was a bonding experience and a self discovery for everyone involved. It was a chapter of my life that's closed.

At the time it seemed like the one thing that would always be there. Something we could turn to that was untouchable by 'real lives' and a world in which we could shelter from all of the bad things of another. Looking back I now see how this world was more a window into those real lives involved, and how fragile it was to their whims.

As far as I'm concerned it's not dead. It's over in some ways, but still untouchable in the last sacred bastion of my mind where they live on every single day in infinitude stories. Although in a very singular way they will never solidify again, but will always originate once more at the bottom of the hill as Sisyphus.

I've put away many things in my life, but none were truly as melancholy as this. That may seem hurtful to several people, but it's not that the cutting of our relationships was less important to me as this one thing. It's that we've lost this relationship with each other that meant more than I could tell a non player.

Our relationships bound together as if the ties between us crossed so as to form a solid base upon which we could build our own monolith to stand defiant against the choking oppression of individuality. The force that seemingly isolates us as islands separated by an ether of empirical reality. Where the only claims we have of the existence of anything external are the crashing of their waves against the shores of our island's borders. It is in this world that a mind is beaten down to be nothing more than what mortal waves it makes in an unloving ocean, while the core of their spirit shrivels up in wretched loneliness at the far removed center of its own restrictive shores.

But we stood up, and, with tenacious passion, defied the boundaries of the mind and imagination, the convention that imagination is personal, and the world of a rampant sinking force of secular reason that shrivels up everything magical or 'impossible'. By weaving together one solid rock, truly external to ourselves, it is as if the only sacred realm that is imagination is in fact an empirical reality and not solely individual, but relatable. In this sense these things that are our very souls were shared among us.

We placed our hearts into it, and so through it we were loved by each other. We put our fantasies there, and so through it they were real to each other. We created our very selves in it, and so through it we were vindicated. We poured out our souls, and so through it we ascended.
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Jesus Antichrist [30 May 2008|12:47am]
You give me, my love, the hunger in heart
I ask why you drown everything in hurt?
I, beloved people, exist with all certainty, I swear,
and I will most certainly never be born again here.

Why?
Say why!
Why!?
Tell me why!

You plauge me, you plague me,
be Satan and God,
I ask which you are,
Satan or God,
Jesus and Christ the Devil in me,
he plauges me to death with the fire of Greed.

You give me, my love, the hunger in heart
I ask why you drown everything in hurt?
I, beloved people, exist with all certainty, I swear,
and I will most certainly never be born again here.

Why?
Explain why!

You plauge me, you plague me,
be Satan and God,
I ask which you are,
Satan or God,
Jesus and Christ the Devil in me,
he plauges me to death with the fire of Greed.

I ask you Christ, must I have no will...
You can't be a god, becuase you only cause me ill!

Why?
Explain why!
Why...

Ok, so I have no idea if the last line in the first verse is correct because I can find the term "geb' sie" in a million places with a million different translations. Anyways, it takes a lot out of the song to put it into English, but I'm pretty sure this is the feeling that it was ment to convey. It's the feeling I get even not understanding the lyrics. Anyways, people have asked and asked for this translation so I figured someone should do it. I think someone should do it who speaks German, but you can't have everything now can you?
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Rid masculinity as ape heirarchy logic and find reciprocated self. [20 May 2008|02:38am]
[ mood | mellow ]

Striving for idiosyncracy as a response to overbearing conformity only aggravates the notions of identity that should be erased.

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Honestly, it has just been on my mind. [19 May 2008|01:22am]
[ mood | mellow ]

I wish I could hear Alisha say that she forgives me, and is sorry for what she had done.
Maybe she doesn't think certain things were wrongs, maybe she thinks I tresspassed where I felt I hadn't, but that isn't even remotely what matters. I'm sorry for what I'm sorry for. I'm not for what I'm not. Maybe she's the same. If I even thought for a second that she wouldn't take an apology as vindication and unconditional forgiveness I'd break this stupid silence treatment game and give her one.

If you bury the hatchet someone's just going to dig it up. Then they'll have a shovel, your hatchet, and an open grave.

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No, no I will not 'pray' for you. [08 Apr 2008|12:38am]
[ mood | blank ]

First off, if bitter rants send you into a rage spiral you probably should just stop using the internet ten years ago, secondly:

Absolutists,
You seem to be really confused, so let me just try to clear things up and let you know that you aren't actually god. I know you have a hard time realizing this, and nothing anybody says will convince you that they aren't your creation and worship you and every last wackjobbed, self-rightous opinion, but I have to at least try to tell you. Not only does the rest of creation not worship you, most even (and I know at this point you are shocked at the blasphemy and have listed me among His magnifience's condemned) don't even want to hear your opinions at all, *gasps!*
Suppose you think the universe stuck a magic book somewhere about one infinitesimal sentient network in which it decided they would create a word 'bad' and a word 'good' and that every course of choice and entropy involving them in any of the least holistic senses was irrefutably in one absolute column or the other, I can't argue with you, but I can sure as hell think you're a fucking idiot when you tell me you're the one who writes it. Tell me that Justice is your right hand and Nemesis is your left, and I'll tell you some better places I could shove your fucking hands, asshole (to be precise).
You like the idea of right and wrong, fine, but you need to realize when you tell someone the definition of right is you and wrong is them, they aren't going to worship you. If you give someone shit you can expect they'll more likely tell you to eat it yourself than suck it out of your ass for you.
Well, I know this is starting to get redundant, but it's a really simple point and I know you still don't get it. Even if I'm trying to argue a staircase into an escalator, the vast majority of you consider that a debate is trying to out-ad hominem the other person so I figured maybe it would at least hurt your overcompensating and shriveled nutsacks into shutting the holy hell up. If it comes off as hypocrasy I don't think you really understood it, but I didn't write it for you to.

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Just some shit I've been meaning to say... [07 Apr 2008|12:05am]
There's a difference between things that people have to say and things that people want to hear.
Tenacity is the greatest common factor in success, but people who try to tell you it's the only one are wrong and hurting people.
People are far more likely to listen to wit and charisma then they are logic and reason.
I feel that the concept of static personas is dangerous, and I don't even think ego is such a good idea.
Knowledge is just a statistic that's been temporarily validated through the scientific process.
I'm sad no one comprehends red hearring, hostern protern, or ad hominem. Someone doesn't have to know the term, I just wish people were less trusting so as to notice when these things happen to them.
I'm mad somebody will call themselves a 'skeptic' because they only believe every single word from the celebrities who tell them they are skeptics and not the ones labeled as 'open minded.'
I think most people who attack skeptics are far more close minded than anybody they self rightously stereotype for disagreeing with them.
It isn't anybody elses responsibility to make you happy.
You are more in control of your own emotions than you are in control of anybody elses as you are more in control of your own emotions than anybody else is. You're no good to anybody if you don't take care of yourself.
Sometimes you should stop and realize that you don't owe someone shit, and sometimes you should stop and realize that someone doesn't owe you shit.
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